CruelDistortion's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[House MD's Big Day]

*I am at my house drinking an average cup of orange soda, and I am visibly upset when looking at my computer*

sigh... i guess newgrounds FUCKING SUCKS NOW AND ITS DOGSHIT AND IS DEAD if ONLY someone could save NEWGROUNDS like IM SUPPOSED TO... but i dont want to do that... also normal bird is gone so i guess NEWGROUNDS IS OFFICIALLY DEAD

*about to comically enlarge myself until the point of fatal ovulation. but suddenly, a new notification appears on my newgrounds feed, from some FAGGOT named StaggerNight, featuring the voices of Octo, and I immediately stop drinking from my orange device*

what... the... fuck... oh well. i guess i like house and i guess i might watch what these person has to offer...

*i click on the video in slight concern, but pessimist excitement. and suddenly memories of nostalgia and childhood and fun start flowing in as the dogshit animation plays on the tv screen*

wow this is actually kinda cool and funny and not gay at all! (i wrote this before watching the whole animation) and i specially like the racism! (i wrote this after watching the whole animation) this is making me lol outloud roflcopter even holy fucking shit

*there's a slow motion montage of different shots of me laughing and having fun watching the animation, as i slap my knees, and slap my belly so hard it becomes green and then purple and then radioactive green again. as i finish the animation, i give it 5 stars because i give every submission either 5 or 0 stars because i dont give a shit*

wow! that was really funny and well animated, and these people sound really fucking funny! NEWGROUNDS IS SAVED!!! i will now subscribe and follow these people! question mark!

*i then open StaggerNight's newgrounds page, and notice THEY/THEM in bold letters in their profile. suddenly. i pop a vein and burst a blood vessel, and I become increasingly red, as steam comes out bursting out of my prolapse like a cartoon character*

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

*i then 0 stars every single one of your animations and i 0 stars your wifes boyfriend animation and games because im out to ruin you, and i get so angry i slap my keyboard so hard it flies across the room and is engraved into the wall but i also accidentaly make myself slip, and someone for some reason set my bounciness settings up to 10x the bounciness so i start bouncing and flying across the room and breaking everything and every time i hit a wall and ceilin and floor i splatter my blood across the room and i disfigure myself further and further before i fling myself through my window and fall outside from the 10th and a car also ends up running me over the moment i hit the ground and then i accidentally forgot to disarm my comically large spoon bomb and then it blows me up into chunky bits of flesh and i end up burning alive and then i end up killing myself and then i end up dying and then i end up accidentally killing myself and I die in the game and then i die in real life*

By the way, I don't get any of this because I've never watched House to it's entirety
But the animation is fine, I guess. 5 stars. You did alright.

StaggerNight responds:

thanks june :)

[FulpWare Gold]

I see Miss Dynamite, I five stars. I'm a simple man.
Deadass one of the coolest submissions out there. Mark's Brother is my personal favorite. I'm not biased at all. A damn good job. Happy new year everyone!

RGPAnims responds:

Do u want to rejoin boot rot 🥺

[The Amazing Digital President]

this was quite the pomni punch to the gut. it made me roflcopter.
make an animation about jaidenanimations and ragatha on the amazing digital politics next time please. fuck.

SomeApe responds:

@mrpakoman you know what to do

[Mr.Beast's UNFAIR Challenge]

this cartoon reminds me of old newgrounds LOL i guess you really are keeping it the old fashioned way

if only you could fix her...

Potatoman responds:

HAH DUDE OLD NEWGROUINDs OLDFASHIONED COKE THE OLD FASHIONED WAY

[OP BATTLES COLLAB!!!!!]

i tried calling department badass and the person who picked this up was this collab (if you dont get joke its because this collab is badass)

Tiltro responds:

Hi June you big blue buddy to bang the heads of the restless red eyed monkeys yo I’m feeling spunky to the hour glass is sure to pass we watch till the moon has been cast like fishing for a mystery in the night.

[Average Skibidi Toilet Fan]

Uncanny. Fucked up. I don't think I can fix him.

Potatoman responds:

i CAN FIX HER

[street fighter yaoi]

sure you kaioken

MrPakoMan responds:

this guy... swear to god

[2B vs 2P]

This is the standard of quality Newgrounds is really known for! I'm so glad the portal is thriving once again!

P.S: Joe Mega told me about this!

Edit: Joe Mega is this one awesome Newgrounds friend we all know about, he's really cool and funny, and he's always nice to everyone, really snazzy guy, I must say!

Prevence responds:

I feel like this is a Joe Mama-esque joke I'm about to run into, but who is Joe Mega?

[Newgrounds Dreamcast Collab]

I love the dreamcast so retro xD

Joe-Mega responds:

Om nom nom